Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Countdown: The Watchers' 10 Worst Henchmen
Some henchmen (and henchwomen) are loyal, efficient, ruthless and occasionally terrifying; they may be the blunt tools but they do it in style. Sadly, this shower of ineffective miscreants would make even the most distant megalomaniacal supervillains get their own hands dirty.
For your consideration, The Watchers' 10 Worst Henchmen
1. THE THREE BLIND MICE
(played by three uncredited actors in Dr. No)
There's something borderline offensive about these three assassins misappropriating a physical disability as a means to murder someone. Much like the slightly racist portrayal of Julius No, the attitudes of the time may be writ large across the film- but that doesn't mean we have to like it.
(played by Rick Yune in Die Another Day)
The only thing differentiating Zao from any other hired thug are the diamonds in his face. That's it.
(played by Andreas Wisniewski in The Living Daylights)
Bond henchmen are supposed to be menacing, exuding an air of danger. They are not supposed to be dressed up as milkman and use exploding milk bottles.
(played by Julius H. Harris in Live And Let Die)
The laugh isn't sinister. It's just annoying. Adding a prosthetic claw doesn't add to the menace either. Another example of lazily equating the villains with being physically disabled.
5. BLOFELD'S ANGELS OF DEATH
(played by various in On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
They come under this list due to the utter ridiculousness of Blofeld's plan in this film; even as Bond villain plans go, it's an absolute nonsense and- as such- the unwitting pawns deserve to go on the list.
(played by Kabir Bedi in Octopussy)
Big. Dumb. Lots of muscle but no brain. An archetypal thuggish henchman. Nothing to get excited about.
7. MIRANDA FROST
(played by Rosamund Pike in Die Another Day)
Duplicitous snake-in-the-grass. So far, so-so. There's more sexual chemistry between garden gnomes than there is between Frost and Bond. Kick-ass fight at the end with Jinx, though.
8. MR. STAMPER
(played by Gotz Otto in Tomorrow Never Dies)
Again, an identikit Bond henchman. Blonde, muscly, slight tendency towards violence; a carbon copy of 'Red' Grant but, sadly, with a tenth of his charisma.
(played by Robert Carlyle in The World Is Not Enough)
As soon as Elektra is revealed as the mastermind behind the plot, Renard quickly reverts to the 'standard henchman' role; a shame because he's been pretty good up to that point.
(played by Grace Jones in A View To A Kill)
Completely out there (much like Ms Jones herself), May-Day's outrageousness- skydiving off the Eiffel Tower, for example- strikes a slightly jarring note in the film, although she's still pretty cool.
There seems to be stiff competition for this list. Who would you put on? Let us know in the comments below.