Thank You From The Watchers

So it's been a week since our challenge and we've managed to catch up on sleep and our sanity! We thought we would wrap up our coverage of everything 007 with a couple of things - well two shows actually! You lucky things! Below are the links to the both of them - one is a new vidcast and the other is a Podcast exclusive. Both are retrospective of the event.

The vidcast has our insights on the franchise after we completed the challenge, our spoiler free chat on Skyfall & we discuss in our opinion what are the Top Ten Bond Films!

The Podcast Exclusive - well thats the Un-Cut chat we had at 1:30am after we successfully finished, we chat about Bond, the experience itself and of course a very off the record spoiler filled Skyfall Geek Chat! So enjoy!

I would just like to give a heart felt thank you to all those who donated and also those who helped to get the message out there. So many helped, but a few need a mention and- of course- not in any order! Ioan Dyer at GTFM, Cineworld Cardiff, Hannah-Jane Davies & Avanti Media, South Wales Echo, VideoMajic.tv, Simon Columb, ITV Wales News, my fellow watcher Tezza.

Rhys :)


I'd also like to say a huge thank you to a few people for their help and support over the Bondathon weekend itself and the months leaving up to the event. Firstly, my partner Alex, who has put up with a whole load of Bond shenanigans with no complaints and exceedingly good grace and has also helped to get the word out. Love you loads. Secondly, to my family who have supported us wholeheartedly- I owe my love of the Bond franchise to watching them with my Dad and my family so it's been a fitting way to raise some funds. 

To everyone who took the time to sponsor us, read the blog, listen to the podcasts and send messages of support by social media: thank you so much. I'd also like to echo Rhys's thanks to Ioan, Simon, Hannah, Cineworld Cardiff, Videomajic, Avanti Media, ITV Wales News and the South Wales Echo for their support. Our JustGiving site is still active until the end of November so you can still donate to this wonderful cause if you'd like to.

Tez :)



A Thank You From The Watchers: A Bondathon Retrospective from The Watchers Film Show on Vimeo.

The Un-Cut Geek Chat!

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The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

James Bond has a contract out on him. The assassin? Scaramanga – The Man With The Golden Gun. Bond must find him before he finds Bond; let the game of cat and mouse begin!

An interesting tale, we are presented with the Moriarty of the Bond world, Bond's equal in every way, and what is even more impressive is the man playing him. Christopher Lee, a man with a real life  special forces background and cousin of Ian Fleming. Lee brings a worthy and mortal legendary enemy to 007 – you can’t help but think what this match up would have been like between Connery and Lee. Mind no point dwelling on the past – this is definitely Moore’s era. 

Here, mind, the tongue-in-cheek, cheeky action adventure is yet to come – here we have Moore playing Bond, a intelligent, sneaky but yet stone cold killer. Moore manages to not raise too many eyebrows and drop too many puns. What we have is Moore in oe of his finest Bond performances.

Stunts in this film are a-plenty – like Live And Let Die we are treated to a boat chase, unfortunately the same hick Sheriff is back as well! Want an example of how comic relief when it just isn’t funny or needed – look no further! What’s even worse is the hick doesn’t just turn up once he ‘happens’ to turn up twice! This hick almost ruins one of the greatest Bond stunts ever – a car jumps a bridge, but in doing so it manages to cork screw! Outstanding Mr Bond.

A quick word about Britt Ekland as Goodnight. Annoying!

The finale of the film is very different, which makes it all the more enjoyable from the others so far – it’s a duel to the death. Bond versus Scaramanga. The duel takes place at Scaramanga's island, where he happens to have a fun house so he can train against live targets. The fun house setting gives the duel a very sinister edge, the pace of the duel is very nicely played out – this culminates a film that very much is a cat and mouse story. 

The film is a well made thriller, with some very well set up action sequences and fantastic performances all round (with exception of Ekland!). This is Moores second outing as 007 and it is how he should portray 007 – a stone killer with charming manner when he carrys out his orders.

Rating: 4 out of 5  

Well we've come to the end of Day One and after 9 films all blogged and podcast, the entire Sean Connery collection and of course Mr Lazenby plus the first two Roger Moore films, that’s the equivalent of a decade of Bond movies! I can honestly say my eyes, my head and my sanity is in need of sleep. Who would have thought sitting watching films and trying to find sometoihng to say about them would be such a challenge? Anyone tells me this isn’t a challenge… Well I'll point out the errors of their ways. I’m sure with some (little) sleep I'll be ready to hit the rest of Moore’s tenure and carry on all the way to the end of Goldeneye where we end Day Two!

If you have donated, I thank you; if you haven’t, please consider it, it's for a worthy cause and we really are pushing our geeky selves on this challenge.

Well Night for now!

Rhys 

Live And Let Die (1973)

Investigating the mysterious deaths of three agents, Bond investigates the murky world of drugs and black magic. But what links Mr Big, a feared crime boss, and Dr. Kananga, diplomat for a small Caribbean island?

There’s a very atmospheric opening to the film: the New Orleans funeral procession and the San Monique voodoo ceremony are especially chilling. There’s a heavy influence of the supernatural to the film with the aspects of voodoo and tarot and the sinister Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder). Rosie is scared by signs and portents- including, bizarrely, a very small hat- and there are creepy scarecrows in the cemetery. The second voodoo ceremony is also very well done. It’s telling that this is, to date, the only Bond movie which mixes in the supernatural with the traditional spy action. It’s very much a standalone, unique film in that respect.

Moore gives a decent performance in his first outing as Bond, the tongue-in-cheek quips and one-liners coming thick and fast. He doesn’t display the same killer instinct as Connery although he is quite handy with an improvised flamethrower. All in all, there’s the basis of a good character. This is also the fifth film to feature Felix Leiter and the fifth actor to portray the character (David Hedison, who will return to the role in License To Kill). Hedison’s performance is very decent (which might be why he was asked back to the role, albeit after sixteen years).

Yaphet Kotto makes for a powerful villain- his mask of philanthropy hides heroin growing and distribution. His obsession with Solitaire and his desire for control over her is unnerving. Jane Seymour gives a luminous performance as tarot reader Solitaire. Her powers are linked to her purity and, when seduced by Bond (in a clever little sequence involving fixing the tarot deck), she is unable to read the cards.  She does then become very much a damsel-in-distress, reliant on Bond to rescue her, which slightly lessens the impact.

The sequence where Bond outmanoeuvres the San Monique police in a rickety old double-decker bus is still impressive. The stunt at the farm, where Bond runs across the ravenous alligators and crocodiles, is still impressive (all the more so for being done by a stuntman for real)

We then get to one of the big missteps of the film: Sheriff JW Pepper (Clifton James). A stereotypical racist redneck sheriff and about as funny as trapping your fingers in a car door.  The boat chase then lapses into cheap slapstick which skews from the original macabre tone. This was the age of the blaxpoitation movie which is writ large all over this film: Mr Big (and several others) refer to Bond as a ‘honky’ and he’s criticised for being ‘a white face in Harlem’. It’s unlikely that a film this consciously racist- in all its forms- would be made in these more politically correct times.

There are several effects that haven’t stood the test of time- TeeHee’s prosthesis, some of the rubber snakes for the voodoo ceremonies and the inflated Kananga at the end- but on the whole it’s a decent film, well-acted (for the most part) and a heady mix of sorcery and spydom.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Tez

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

George Lazenby’s only time in the legendary tux, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service sees Bond tracking his nemesis Blofeld to Switzerland where he is engaged in a plan to destroy the world’s food crops. Along the way, Bond falls in love with a troubled young woman named Tracy. But will this be a happy ever after for 007?

The opening credits show clips from the first five films. It’s almost as if, with a change of lead actor, they needed to affirm that this Bond is the same Bond as in the previous ones. There’s a similar scene later on when Bond’s clearing his desk out and certain props and musical cues from the previous films are used. This back-referencing doesn’t help Lazenby to create his own take on the character- sadly, the spirit of Connery looms too large.

I just have to get it out there. Lazenby’s ‘Well, this never happened to the other guy’ still rankles. It’s totally unnecessary. Also, Lazenby doesn’t have the same wit and charisma that Connery had so the one-liners and quips fall somewhat flat. A lot of the tough-guy stuff seems a little forced with Lazenby too- he’s certainly not as macho as Connery. However, one thing Lazenby does have in his favour is vulnerability: the proposal scene is played very nicely (and there’s a lovely chemistry between Rigg and Lazenby)

Diana Rigg is pretty good as Tracy, alternating between fragile and determined. She is nobody’s fool, cottoning on very quickly to her father’s plans. Draco’s plans are incredibly suspect- suggesting his daughter needs a man to dominate her and offering information on the basis that Bond will marry Tracy. Their courtship takes a back seat when Bond goes to Switzerland to track Blofeld down and it seems a bit of a contrivance that she happens to be in Switzerland when he needs help, even though the car chase is occasionally thrilling (if it goes on too long)

Blofeld’s plan, masquerading as a philanthropist hoping to cure allergies, is to use the female patients as carriers for a virus to contaminate the world’s food supplies. Even as Bond villain plans go, that has to rank as one of the most ridiculous and overblown plans in the franchise. Savalas’ performance as Blofeld falls a lot short of the iconic performance by Donald Pleasence in You Only Live Twice. There is one issue which is troubling: why doesn’t Blofeld recognise Bond when they first meet? Granted both men have changed appearance but if they are the same characters then that recognition should be there. Ilse Steppat is a formidable presence as Irma Bunt, Blofeld’s henchwoman, a stern matron in the Rosa Klebb mode.

The film is at least half an hour too long; there are lots of scenes (especially within Piz Gloria) that feel like extraneous padding. The various chases- by ski, by bobsled- just keep on and on. It would have been better to have reduced Blofeld kidnapping Tracy and kept the storming of the base as the final act set-piece.

Despite what you may think about this film, it is important within the Bond franchise for the final scenes- Bond marries Tracy and is prepared to leave MI6 behind. There’s a nice moment between Q and Bond where they affirm their friendship. Bond and Tracy drive off… only to get ruthlessly gunned down by Bunt and Blofeld. This is also rare within the Bond franchise as neither villain nor henchman is punished or killed. I defy anyone not to be moved by Lazenby’s performance as he cradles his dying wife.

A mish-mash of a film, some good bits but for me it's an entirely so-so movie.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Tez

You Only Live Twice (1967)

An American space capsule is stolen in Earth’s orbit, the Russians are the number one suspects – however SPECTRE are the real villains with a masterplan. Bond must prove this, stop them and all in time to stop USA and USSR going into World War III.

The opening sequence is just huge in scale, space capsule swallowing space capsule, Earth in the background and an astronaut murdered – followed by 007 being assassinated. From just these short scenes, you can tell you are back in the producing hands of Saltzman and Broccoli after Kevin McClory had the reins over Thunderball.

Let’s not mess about here – this is a new breed of Bond film. It’s when the series becomes out and out action adventure, rather than an espionage thriller. There’s so many action sequences in this film – not just at the end with a mighty finale, like Goldfinger and Thunderball. Here it’s all the way through, from a car chase across the streets of Tokyo, ending with a car picked up by a giant magnet and dumped in the see, a roof top fight with 007 versus twenty goons – which is shot from a aerial camera that gives it a stunning scope and lets not even try and forget Little Nellie. A mini helicopter air battle – there is just no time to catch your breath. This is what a Bond film is and it’s by far the one I’m enjoying the most so far – come on James!

Ok! Not everything works, there are some bad stereotypes when it comes to the Japanese characters, not sure if it’s a testament to the time the film was made or just an unfortunate side effect of a Western film made with a large content of East? Mind one thing is for sure – Sean Connery ‘transformed’ into a Japanese man with make up, well he looks more like a Vulcan from Star Trek!

All is forgiven for a giant base, hidden inside a volcano! Oh just heaven with a double o!  Moving quickly passed any reference to Austin Powers – this is the Bond film that was obviously the influence for that film. The set piece is just stunning – the set is just, well just huge. Ken Adam is a magician, bringing scale, style and outlandish scope to the look of the film.

Within this volcano, we finally have the reveal of Blofeld and here he is played by Donald Pleasence and quite frankly no one plays the role better –he plays it as a sinister, insane, sociopath with a speech pattern that sends shivers down your spine. Sean Connery is as ever fantastic here, he is Bond, weird thing mind! When you watch these films back to back like we are – you actually see an actor age in front of you!

To me, there are two great Sean Connery Bond movies, they are Goldfinger and this film – this film is fun, action packed and with a very strong villain. This is Bond at his best.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Rhys

Bondathon Podcast Part 1

So here we go our first Podcast from us the Watchers - we are off and running four films in and heres our thoughts so far!!! enjoy

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Thunderball (1965)

From the sublime to the ridiculous…

After the perfection that is Goldfinger the next film was always going to have to go some way to match up. Sadly Thunderball misses by a country mile. I’ve always felt Thunderball is a film to be endured rather than enjoyed and this re-watching has done precious little to change that opinion.

The plot is fairly standard: SPECTRE steals two atomic weapons and it’s down to Bond to recover them to avert disaster.

The film’s pacing is one of its main problems – some of the scenes just lag dreadfully. There’s also a palpable lack of chemistry between Sean Connery and Claudine Auger (who plays Domino Derval) which undermines any romantic relationship. The direction- by Terence Young (returning for the third and final time after Dr No and From Russia With Love)- is almost soporific in places. Scenes that should have some tension- such as the chase through the carnival or where Bond searches the sunken plane- are leaden.

As goes the cast, Adolfo Celi is serviceable but immensely bland as the main villain Emilio Largo  For the third film in which the character appears, there is a third actor playing Felix Leiter (Rik Van Nutter taking over from Jack Lord in Dr No and Cec Linder in Goldfinger). Again, as with most of the performances here, it’s adequate but certainly nothing memorable.

However, it’s not all bad. The pre-credits sequence packs a punch- the fight sequence is well done and the jetpack is still cool- and the opening scene with SPECTRE is pretty good. It’s fun to see Q in the field in Nassau rather than in the lab and the relationship between Bond and Q is as good as ever.

Fiona Volpe is a fun character- a properly unrepentant femme fatale- and played to the hilt by Luciana Paluzzi. The scene where she demolishes Bond’s macho pride is fun and her death prompts one of the best-known quips in the Bond franchise: ‘do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead’

There is some fun to be had but it’s few and far between. I’m glad to have got through this – there’s much better still to come

Rating: 2 out of 5

Tez

From Russia With Love (1963)

In this adventure, Bond is on the search for a Russian decoding machine, known as LEKTOR. He needs to find the machine before the evil SPECTRE organisation discovers it forst. Whilst romantically linked to a Russian cipher agent, Tatiana, Bond sneaks through Istanbul whilst SPECTRE agents- including Donald Grant and ex-KGB agent Rosa Klebb.

Whilst Dr. No felt quite patchy- quite experimental in places- From Russia With Love is much more consistent; it feels much more like you expect a Bond film to feel. There’s obviously been a bit of tinkering with the formula as it were.

There are a number of firsts here. It’s the first time we see Blofeld (although the actor’s face is not seen); it’s also the first time we see Q (the great Desmond Llewelyn) who gives Bond one of my favourite gadgets of the entire franchise- the multi-purpose attaché case.

There are some great performances in the film – Lotte Lenya is brilliant as ex-SMERSH now SPECTRE agent Rosa Klebb, an absolutely fearsome woman; I especially like the scene where she declares Grant fit for action by punching him in the stomach with a knuckleduster and there are some distinctly Sapphic overtones in her recruitment scene with Tatiana. Her showdown with Bond- with the infamous poison-tipped steel shoes- looks a bit laughable now but it’s fun.

Pedro Armendariz is great as Bond’s Istanbul contact Kerim Bey and there’s an easy camaraderie between Bond and Bey which is nice to see. Robert Shaw is chilling as Donald ‘Red’ Grant – a psychopath recruited by Klebb . His credentials are shown in a tense pre-credits sequence which shows him killing Bond (it’s a training exercise with a fake).. He’s seen skulking menacingly on the train and the final fight between him and Bond is well choreographed and quite thrilling, not to mention a little brutal.

In some ways, From Russia With Love could be seen as a sequel of sorts to Dr. No- SPECTRE’s role is extended and Kronsteen’s plan incorporates revenge for No’s death (as MI6 would obviously send Bond). .

Unlike Dr No, there is no waiting to meet any of the main characters- Klebb, SPECTRE and Grant are all introduced very quickly, as is Tatiana (although it takes a while for Tatiana and Bond to actually meet). Tatiana is a very passive character- used as a pawn on all sides (first by Klebb, then by Bond and finally Grant)- which is a little frustrating, coming after Honey Ryder but Daniela Bianchi does well with what she’s given. It is very satisfying when the worm turns.

There are some decent set-pieces of action: the raid on the Russian embassy in order to steal the LEKTOR device is nicely staged. The scene in the gypsy camp- from belly-dancing through to full-scale invasion- is also impressive. The boat chase- where Bond detonates the old drums- also looks good and (more impressively) stands up.

All said, the Bond formula is still a work in progress at this point but there’s a lot going right in this.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Tez

Dr. No (1962)

…and so the stroke of midnight on Friday 26^th October, and we begin.

James Bond (007) is Britain's top agent and is on an exciting mission to solver the mysterious murder of a fellow agent. The task sends him to Jamaica where he joins forces with Quarrel and a loyal CIA agent, Felix Leiter. While dodging tarantulas, 'fire-breathing dragons' and a trio of assassins known as the Three Blind Mice, Bond meets up with the beautiful Honey Ryder and goes face to face with the evil Dr. No.

So, we find ourselves within minutes of watching the film and you realise that fifty years have gone by since this first film. The film – well, it really feels dated. But it has this charm to it. In many ways the film being only released at the beginning of the 1960s, does feel like a film from the 1950s. The film has a gloss, a sheen to it – also the acting feels staged in a way that you get from 1950s cinema. The film’s soundtrack compliments this theory, you could swear you’re watching a Hitchcock film, the beat of music strikes as characters strike. Very theatrical.

Connery’s Bond is a stone cold killer, a man who would do what ever it takes to get the mission done – just awe inspiring. An icon is born. His quick wit, charm and stony glare has never been beaten – well that’s my opinion now, wonder if it will change?

The film is a thriller, we don’t have the pre-titles sequence, and we don’t have over the top action scenes or gadgets. Bond uses his skills and physical attributes to out thwart his enemies. He sets simple traps around his hotel room to detect if his room has been visited, a hair across a doorframe, very low tech. This film has more in common with Daniel Craig’s Bond than many in the series. Very interesting as I have not seen this film in over five years.

The Bond girls here are sign of the time the film was released, not an equal, he uses them as means to an end – very much Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. All apart from what is, of course, the true first Bond Girl, Honey Ryder played by Ursula Andress. A strong willed, forthright woman. And yes, that scene where she comes out of the water in her Bikini, fifty years ago or not she’s a beautiful woman.

Dr No himself – well, apart from not appearing on screen until the last act of the film. He is – well lets not beat around, It’s a character that could be seen as a racist portrayal in modern standards. But, also the performance by Joseph Wiseman is sinister, brutal and all in all an interesting villain. Unfortunately, you can’t get past the panto feeling of his “villain” and now today all you can think of when he speaks is Dr Evil!

So as a film it is an entertaining thriller, which has dated badly in many places. In others it hasn’t, namely how the character of Bond himself is played and written. Sets, stunts and direction are very much from the 1950s – you can at points see the edge of the sets and the paper mache that’s used o makes rock face walls! It’s the first Bond film, however it isn’t the first of what we perceive as a Bondian film. That’s too come.

Rating: 2 out of 5

Rhys

Girls, Girls, Girls!

 

There's one essential part of a Bond film we haven't discussed yet. The Bond Girl. Ever since Ursula Andress came out of the sea in that iconic white bikini in Dr. No, there has always been at least one female love interest in the Bond films. These range from traditional 'damsels-in-distress' to more independent women who cross Bond's path. In Skyfall, there are two: field agent Eve (Naomie Harris) and the mysterious Severine (Berenice Marlohe).

We wouldn't be so crass or tacky as to try and rank our favourites to come up with a Top 10. Instead, we've both picked five of our favourite Bond girls, combined them and have listed them in chronological order.


MISS MONEYPENNY
(played by Lois Maxwell, Caroline Bliss and Samantha Bond from Dr. No to Die Another Day)

Moneypenny is M's personal secretary and a loyal, trusted and loving friend to our agent. She's witty, charming and not above having a flirt with Bond. Maxwell played Moneypenny from Dr. No to A View From A Kill, with Bliss taking over the role for the Dalton era and Bond in Brosnan's.



PUSSY GALORE
(played by Honor Blackman in Goldfinger)

Ms Galore is Goldfinger's personal pilot. She is also Bond's equal. Cunning, strong and doesn't get pushed around and she has a name that launched a thousand puns. Pussy is arguably the most famous of all the Bond girls. 

TRACY
(played by Diana Rigg in On Her Majesty's Secret Service)

Possibly the most important woman in Bond's life, Contessa Teresa di Vincenzo becomes Mrs. Tracy Bond at the end of the adventure- only to be ruthlessly gunned down by Blofeld and Irma Bunt minutes later. Rigg gives a strong performance as the fragile but determined Tracy.



SOLITAIRE
(played by Jane Seymour in Live And Let Die)

Mr Big's tarot card reader, whose abilities are linked with her (ahem) 'purity'. Once seduced by Bond, she is unable to read the cards. It's a luminous performance by Seymour in one of her earliest film roles.

MAJOR ANYA AMASOVA
(played by Barbara Bach in The Spy Who Loved Me)

Anya (also known by her Russian codename Agent XXX) teams up with Bond against Stromberg's plans. As a Russian agent, she is assured and quick-witted, out-thinking Bond more than once. 

DR. HOLLY GOODHEAD
(played by Lois Chiles in Moonraker)

Despite the fact that the character is an intelligent NASA-trained astrophysicist working for the CIA, she makes the list for one reason- her name. Frankly, it wouldn't go amiss in a Carry On film.





MELINA HAVELOCK
(played by Carole Bouquet in For Your Eyes Only)

A dab hand with a crossbow, Melina is on a quest to revenge the deaths of her parents (who are killed during Kristatos' search for the ATAC machine). Determined and assured, she saves Bond's life at one point. 







NATALYA SIMONOVA
(played by Izabella Scorupco in Goldeneye)

One of the survivors of the Severnaya attack, Natalya is a computer programmer who aids Bond in thwarting Trevelyan's plans. Forthright and brave, she describes Bond and Mishkin's squabbling as 'boys with toys' and even calls Bond on his emotional barriers.

WAI LIN 
(played by Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies)

A Chinese agent who is also investigating Elliot Carver, she and Bond team up against the cunning media mogul. She knows martial arts and has a nice collection of gadgets. A great character played by a great actress.






GIACINTA 'JINX' JOHNSON
(played by Halle Berry in Die Another Day)

Despite being in the irredeemable mess that is Die Another Day, Jinx manages to be one of the best Bond girls. She matches 007 on every level. There were even rumours of a spin-off movie featuring her for some time.






There have been dozens of Bond girls throughout the franchise? Who are some of your favourites? Let us know in the comments below.

This is also the final article to go up on the blog before the Bondathon weekend- in less than three days, we'll be taking on this marathon to raise money for Cancer Research Wales. Please consider sponsoring us either through JustGiving or via text: text BOND62 and your amount (eg. BOND62 £5) to 70070

Keep reading over the weekend as we chart 50 years of Bond in The Watchers Charity Bondathon 2012!

The James Bond Challenge

We are extremely grateful to fellow blogger Simon Columb from Screen Insight for the following article, in which he gives us some advice on the possible pitfalls and highlights of a Bondathon.

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Part One

From Dr No through to You Only Live Twice

First off, I have joined Rhys in a Bond Marathon before. Nowhere near as challenging as the one Rhys and Tez are beginning, but a marathon of sorts. We attempted to watch every James Bond film, one-a-day, leading up to watching Die Another Day at the cinema, back in 2002. We majestically failed, shortly after watching the first couple of Roger Moore’s. Indeed, it might’ve been at Diamonds Are Forever. But I remember the feeling when watching the first five 007 adventures.

Tez and Rhys will be perfect at the start. The moment Connery replies to Sylvia Trench’s introduction, the boys will be filled with the same feeling we all have with a James Bond film. Excited and keen to watch much, much more. The one thing they didn’t remember, or factor in, was the parts which drag on. And they begin in this first film.

Dr No is great, until we have the slog through Jamaica at the start – whereby we are supposed to question Quarrel’s allegiance. They’ll be fine at this early stage in the game, but a little doubt will creep in: was this a good idea? All doubt’s a worries will be ignored when the small voice of Ursula Andress sings ‘Underneath the Mango Tree’. Indeed, this will help them through – continuing the viewing through From Russia With Love and the gorgeous Tatiana – It’s easy street! What a great film! And then to Goldfinger. Everything we love about 007 in one two-hour film! Tez and Rhys will be exceptionally pleased – 6 hours in and no problem whatsoever. But I’ll bet they forgot about Thunderball.

They’ll sing along to the Welsh crooners Bond-song, croaking when trying to sing ‘that’ final note. But, despite the comedy of Vargas (“He does not smoke, he does not drink – he does not make love: what do you do Vargas?”) and, what should be brilliant underwater fighting, Thunderball drags. A long film in comparison to the other three, this film will be the first major test. Fighting underwater is simply too slow! A guy with an eye-patch is nothing in comparison to Dr No, Red Grant and Oddjob!

Again, it’s only 8-hours in, the two plough on to You Only Live Twice. Ken Adam's sets never looked this good – and both will recall “oh yeah! Bond gets married in this film!”, and Donald Pleasances iconic role of Blofeld is the icing on the cake. A bit excessive, it is clear that Jay Roach and Mike Myers were primarily referencing You Only Live Twice when making the Austin Power trilogy. 18 films “and counting…”

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service to The Man with the Golden Gun

Vastly underrated, Rhys and Tez will watch the jump-cuts and vicious fighting and realise, hey, losing Connery wasn’t that bad. Until that fateful line: “This never happened to the other guy..”.

What. The. Fu..

Kojak fighting on a bobsleigh won’t even help them here. Still a good fight and great music will pull them through. But again, doubt creeps in. Roger Moore is only one film away now. Diamonds are Forever, with a small snack on the side, will help. Sean Connery looks tired, how the mighty has fallen. Mr Wint and Mr Kidd and, ridiculously, that guy from You Only Live Twice is apparently Blofeld now. With grey hair? In Vegas? Remember fellas! The USA pattern – films primarily based in the USA are apparently always worse than other 007 missions. They will be seeking something new. Something different!

Cue Roger Moore, his Blaxploitation rip-off Bond adventure Live and Let Die, whereby white men are ‘Honkys’ and every African-American is working for Mr Big. Racism has never been so blatant. But Roger Moore oozes confidence and, though different to Connery, it was what was needed. The blow-up ending is ridiculous but it does pre-figure the Moore comedy that the boys have yet to truly experience. But, a strong coffee will be needed now as they pop the next DVD in: The Man with the Golden Gun. Yes, we all remember fondly the fun-houses, Nick-Nack, Christopher Lee and incredibly-hot Britt Ekland … but we forgot the stupidity of the blonde bombshell. We forgot the strange ‘desire’ Scaramanga has with a laser – why does a brilliant, hired assassin want to use a laser? It’s all a little bit too much. As Lulu reintroduces her exceptionally crude (just listen to the lyrics!) outro version of her entry into the Bond songs series … both Tez and Rhys will look at each other.

“We’re not even halfway there…”


Part Two

From The Spy Who Love Me to A View to a Kill

I can imagine, at this point, Tez and Rhys are tired. They didn’t realise how long this would be – and they surely didn’t realise that only after two films, Roger Moore becomes unfunny. But fear not fellas! You have some treats in store. First off, Agent XXX in Barbara Bach is on-screen. She would be quite a trip as she manages to equal 007 in many regards … except she fails to even equal Roger Moore with regards to acting skills. No offence Ms Bach, but it appears that your skill may be limited to woo-ing Ringo Starr rather than treading the boards. Even on a James Bond film. The Spy Who Loves Me manages to be virtually the same formulae as before – but this time we see “Spielberg-should-be-sueing” Jaws. An iconic henchman and Richard Kiel, you’ll be happy to know, is always in attendance to the various comic-book conventions across the world. Lucky that he appears in Moonraker aye? And yes guys, it is virtually the same as The Spy Who Loved Me… but in space. Hugo Drax wants to create a new race. In space. Webbed-fingers villain wanted to create a new race. In Atlantis. The tears that stream down your face may be similar to that of Cubby Broccoli’s when he said, after Moonraker, let’s go back to the days of old.

Seen as the best Roger Moore, For Your Eyes Only, is very-much a return to form. But with Moore now getting a little too old, it is also a little creepy that “apparently” blonde teenagers fancy aging 50 year-olds. It’s unlikely, even for 007. Load in Octopussy – yup, Roger Moore is back again and, in fact, he wasn’t due to be! Due to the release of Never Say Never Again, producers wanted to play it safe and kept Roger Moore so that he could ‘clown around’ (ho ho ho!) in Octopussy. Drag yourself into A View to a Kill, which – at the very least – has a damn good song. Duran Duran top Rita Coolidge and her sedate “All-time-Hi-i-i-i-i-gh” any day of the week. And, we have Christopher Walken! One of my favourite bad-guys – and his bleach-blonde hair will hint at Javiar Bardem’s villain in Skyfall. Indeed, you’re past the halfway point fellas!

The Living Daylights and Licence to Kill

My issue with The Living Daylights is the potential. And you’ll feel it too! Timothy Dalton was Daniel Craig’s James Bond at a time whereby Die Hard and Lethal Weapon were the action-film trend. A brilliant opening sequence and a fantastic plane-finale – with rebel Afghan terrorists supporting 007. Just to clarify – is that the Taliban supporting James Bond? You decide. Then it moves onto Licence to Kill, which is not really a James Bond film.

Well, it is – but no mission from M, no John Barry and a wedding involving Felix Leiter and sharks. Rated 15 and starring Benicio Del Toro in one of his first roles (“Honeymo-o-o-o-on”) this is a memorable one – but you’ll be desperate for 007. The real 007. Dalton’s James Bond drinks Bollinger, apparently. He sleeps with very few women and Mexican drugs are the threat to humanity.

It’s been a long-time coming and, only now do you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, Goldeneye is next… and what a sweet moment it is when you will see the gun barrel of Pierce Brosnan…   


Part Three

From Goldeneye through to Die Another Day

This is the final stretch. This is where I, personally, can start quoting lines and I can recall the cinema visits I had to watch the films. Goldeneye was my first DVD and I watched the film many, many times. It is a brilliant film and General Ourumov is a personal favourite character whilst Alec Trevelyan was my N64 character-of-choice. So it truly is a shame that Eric Serra (Leon) is composing the soundtrack. Seriously, what on earth is that music playing when Bond is racing Xenia at the start? Simply nuts.

Tomorrow Never Dies on the other hand manages to gain the current heir to the John-Barry throne for scores-duty, David Arnold. The stand-out start sequence, whereby arms-dealers buy weapons from each other (Like a war-criminal car-boot) kicks off the film whilst Teri Hatcher – at a time whereby her role came from The New Adventures of Superman rather than anything to do with Desperate Housewives – is a brilliant Bond-girl. And what a shot when her dress drops! Yowza! That’ll wake you up fellas!

“There’s no news, like bad news” says Jonathan Pryce and he is right – Die Another Day isn’t far away folks. The World is not Enough is vastly underrated though – and I’m sure Rhys and Tez are in agreement. The best opening sequence of the entire series – the Thames boat chase … a 360 air-turn! Millennium Dome! Parliament! Amazing. Then Robert Carlyle’s ‘Renard’ – “a bullet lodged in his head … he can push himself harder and stronger than any other man”. A brilliant villain – though it is undercut by the [similar to The Dark Knight Rises] reveal that Elektra King is the true villain whilst Renard is merely a henchman. Shame.

Bigger shame? Die Another Day. Time to snooze fellas. No point in waking up until post-surf sequence. The car chase is cool but let us be clear about a few things: (1) The camouflaged car is a great ‘gadget’, (2) the whole torture-sequence is a genius way to begin a Bond film whilst (3) Villain-car vs Bond-car on the ice is impressive - “ejector-seat? You’re joking” – not when it is used to flip a car round! But there is no forgiving Tamahori for the problems with Die Another Day – so I’m not even talking about his cross-dressing prostitution. But, let’s be honest, that’s a bad sign from the outset.

Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace and then ... Skyfall

Martin Campbell on directing duties again, and Daniel Craig was cast. In comparison to Brosnan, it is easy to knock Brosnan but – as with Moore and Connery – he is a product of his time and Brosnan did what he needed to do. The Bourne Identity was 2001, so it’s not fair to compare Die Another Day with the new-style of action-film. But Casino Royale right-ed all the wrongs. I remember leaving the cinema feeling that Casino Royale was a brilliant ‘tease’ for the future of Daniel Craig’s 007 – and, of course, the follow-up, Quantum of Solace was supposed to be brilliant.

But it wasn’t.

But Skyfall will be. Tez. Rhys. If you have got this far – you are sorted and I’m sure it will all be worth it. Skyfall sounds like it will be everything we have hoped for and, as James Bond fans, this is the film which corrects the huge flaws of Quantum of Solace and Die Another Day. Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli know what they are doing – and they know how to fulfil the picky demands of the fanbase. And it seems it is Skyfall will pay-off in full.

Well done fellas!